Thursday, March 02, 2006

Linux commands: The funny linux commands

Hope you enjoy these funny Linux commands as much as I did:

% cat "food in cans"
cat: can't open food in cans

% nice man woman
No manual entry for woman.

% "How would you rate Quayle's incompetence?
Unmatched ".

% Unmatched ".
Unmatched ".

% [Where is Jimmy Hoffa?
Missing ].

% ^How did the sex change operation go?^
Modifier failed.

% If I had a ( for every $ the Congress spent, what would I have?
Too many ('s.

% make love
Make: Don't know how to make love. Stop.

% sleep with me
bad character

% got a light?
No match.

% man: why did you get a divorce?
man:: Too many arguments.

% !:say, what is saccharine?
Bad substitute.

% %blow
%blow: No such job.

% \(-
(-: Command not found.

$ PATH=pretending! /usr/ucb/which sense
no sense in pretending!

$ drink matter
matter: cannot create


At Tue Sep 18, 09:14:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Great stuff. I never new how much of a sense of humor linux had.

At Tue Sep 18, 09:16:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Cool ! Linux commands at their best :D

At Tue Sep 18, 09:23:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

more please, I feel I will learn "Linux" easier by this way :)

At Tue Sep 18, 09:26:00 PM, Blogger Billy said...

haha that stuff is great, on the digg frontpage already :P

At Tue Sep 18, 09:37:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Too much spare time on your hands.

At Tue Sep 18, 09:46:00 PM, Blogger Charlie said...

I'm getting old.
I loved these the first time I saw them in 86 on usenet. I was using a dummy VT102 terminal to connect my student UNIX account at UTexas.
I tried most of them and showed them off for weeks.

At Tue Sep 18, 09:54:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...


At Tue Sep 18, 09:57:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

On a Debian-based box (Debian, Ubuntu, etc.) become root and then do "apt-get moo".

At Tue Sep 18, 10:17:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Very, very funny :)

At Tue Sep 18, 10:23:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ubuntu rocks :D

Ronnie @

At Tue Sep 18, 10:40:00 PM, Blogger Unknown said...

There is a real command:

Today is Sweetmorn, the 42nd day of Bureaucracy in the YOLD 3173

At Tue Sep 18, 10:47:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

That was brilliant (y)

At Tue Sep 18, 10:55:00 PM, Blogger Jon said...

I love these little "perl"s. Yes, they are (and my own) bad jokes. But they are amusing little bits. Sometimes the programmer put in amusing responses, sometimes they are intentional (See also apt-get moo comment).

Love it.

At Wed Sep 19, 12:21:00 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

hilarious :))

At Wed Sep 19, 02:11:00 AM, Blogger Unknown said...

What Shell manager are you using?

Bash doesn't achieve most of those tricks

Since it gives you a chance > to complete the command

At Wed Sep 19, 02:55:00 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

That must be very old, none of'em working right now :|

At Wed Sep 19, 03:00:00 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Of course if you tried any of these, you'd discover that they don't really work. They used to work, on different NON-Linux operating systems. They are funny, but why call them linux messages when they are not? You clearly posted these without actually trying them.

At Wed Sep 19, 03:21:00 AM, Blogger the boom king said...

Thats funny 'apt-get moo' he he he!

ermm... I got one... ermm... no i don't... (damn it)

At Wed Sep 19, 04:06:00 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

i'm on ubuntu linux! lemme try these commands in my distro

Mike from

At Wed Sep 19, 04:43:00 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Seen them before, but still hilarious. Haven't seen the divorce one though, ha ha.

While on aptitude, try the aptitude -v moo, and then keep replacing -v with -vv and then by -vvv and so on.

At Wed Sep 19, 04:46:00 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

.... or you can"

you can touch files and finger people. for example:

to create a file called me, you'd say:
touch me

to find (finger) my username on a linux machine (or server):
finger ryan aghdam

At Wed Sep 19, 05:09:00 AM, Blogger Santhosh Jose said...


At Wed Sep 19, 05:53:00 AM, Blogger Unknown said...

> On a Debian-based box (Debian, Ubuntu, etc.) become root and then do "apt-get moo".

yes, and then do "apt-get moo -v"
(add more "v"!)

At Wed Sep 19, 06:28:00 AM, Blogger Gabi said...

Have you ever tried them?

The orignal story was with UNIX(r) commands.

These are published on the net for year.

I know every joke is new for a baby...

At Wed Sep 19, 06:47:00 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Well.. All but three diddn't work

At Wed Sep 19, 06:52:00 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Linux? Those look like Unix commands to me.

At Wed Sep 19, 07:56:00 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Put up more of these, these are great!
Free SigChat

At Wed Sep 19, 08:07:00 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

You don't need to be root to run apt-get on debian. You need to be root to run "apt-get install" or something similar, but anything else you run without priviledges.

At Wed Sep 19, 08:10:00 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

apt-get moo , rocks!

At Wed Sep 19, 08:26:00 AM, Blogger Iron Spork said...

Don't forget the "apt-get moo" command...

At Wed Sep 19, 08:44:00 AM, Blogger Vergel Evans said...

so funny... but in a groan and smile sort of way

At Wed Sep 19, 09:31:00 AM, Blogger DJ Gentoo said...

I'm sure they used to work, but they don't now (at least in Bash).
@the last anonymous coward, try saying that with a screenname.

At Wed Sep 19, 12:37:00 PM, Blogger CyberMage said...

Totally out of date - only 1 or two of these should even work anymore.

At Wed Sep 19, 12:55:00 PM, Blogger Ruchi said...

I'm still grinning. Thanks.

At Wed Sep 19, 01:31:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I think the standard make used to do :

$make love
Not war?

At Wed Sep 19, 02:37:00 PM, Blogger Kevin C Davis said...

Digital Equipment Corporation's TOPS-10 operating system in response to the command: make love:

not war?

At Wed Sep 19, 02:56:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

This doesn't work.

[wattersm@mistakes] ~ >> man why did you get a divorce?

No manual entry for why
No manual entry for did
No manual entry for you
No manual entry for get
No manual entry for a
No manual entry for divorce?

At Wed Sep 19, 03:48:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...


At Wed Sep 19, 06:33:00 PM, Blogger DecemberFlower said...

Very nice. XD

At Wed Sep 19, 10:17:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

@DJ Gentoo

Try being less of a neckbeard.

At Thu Sep 20, 11:17:00 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

very funny.. thanks

At Thu Sep 20, 07:12:00 PM, Blogger Unknown said...

fresh idea...excellent

At Fri Sep 21, 01:20:00 AM, Blogger Pedro said...

xD phun!

At Fri Sep 21, 02:47:00 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

lol. awesome.

At Fri Sep 21, 02:08:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

None of these I tested worked for me. I am using BASH of course.

At Sat Sep 22, 04:01:00 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

try the apt-get alternative, aptitude.

aptitude moo
aptitude -v moo
aptitude -v -v moo

At Sat Sep 22, 05:36:00 AM, Blogger Shawn Q said...

That was funny as hell, great compilation!

At Wed Sep 26, 05:24:00 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

All languages should be like this.

At Thu Sep 27, 03:32:00 PM, Blogger AndrewNeo said...

Only one worked for me, and I like it better:
andrew@lynx ~ $ ^How did the sex change operation go?^
bash: :s^How did the sex change operation go?^: substitution failed


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